The Key to Growth is to Not Take Criticism Personally
Way easier said than done
The hardest struggle I’ve been facing recently is trying to learn not to make the pain of criticism worse by fearing and avoiding it.
Sometimes I put enormous pressure on myself to succeed, to make other people proud of me, and earn their respect. And when I feel like I’ve fallen short of that goal, it’s really devastating.
At this moment in time, I’m on a growth ride like I’ve never been on before.
Almost everyday feels painful.
Have you ever wished that you tried an intense bootcamp as a kid, or joined the army, so that you could gain some discipline and rigidness and confidence that comes with being monitored and coached and harshly kept in line — simply not being allowed to break the rules?
I used to wish that I had experienced some level of that in my childhood. So that I could have more self-discipline now as an adult.
But it’s funny, because now that I’m going through a growth spurt of sorts, it feels in some ways similar. Like I’m doing everything wrong and getting feedback on all sides. And now that I’m in that intense environment, all I can think about is getting out.
I want to slow down and stop the ride and scream “AH I HATE THIS” all the time. Just, all the time.
But the hard truth is… the “Ah I hate this” is what makes it worse.
Thinking to myself that:
- I can’t handle it
- Other people are disappointed or judging me
- Maybe they don’t respect me
This all is untrue and unhelpful and causes an intense downward spiral.
The worst part is that it stops me from thinking about how to improve. I need to change my behaviour so that I’m better, and if I’m so in my head and not listening to important pieces of feedback and changing my behaviour for next time, then the whole exercise was useless.
The point of all this is: getting feedback is painful.
Doing something wrong, continuously and not living up to an example that you want to hit is hard.
But I don’t think it has to be.
I have to learn to silence my mind, take feedback as it comes, improve one small thing at a time, and trust the process.
Feedback doesn’t have to hurt if you don’t take it personally.
I have to believe that nobody doubts my character, my intelligence, or my raw ability or commitment, and that if they do, they’re wrong.
Instead, all they’re asking is that I steer in a different direction. I have one perspective, and they have another, and I need to trust them and adjust and move and get more feedback. It’s just an experiment in moving toward something better. For a lot of what we do, there is no “right and wrong.”
It’s a process. Not everything can be perfect right out of the gate.
You’d think at 34 years old I would know this by now, but I’m still learning.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop.
